Spoiled

Last week, one of my friends asked me what I wanted to have on my birthday. I told her that I can’t think of anything tangible to ask from her except for a memory foam pillow or any pillow that is firm and huggable enough *hint hint*.

For a few years now, I haven’t gotten myself into telling people what I want to have, not because I already have everything in life, but I feel like most of the things I have prayed for [and haven’t prayed for] just suddenly unfold before my very eyes. So yeah, I’m kind of spoiled.

I’m spoiled in terms of traveling. I’ve been driving and swimming and flying in and outside the country all year round as if I have all the time in the world. I also got a chance to study for a short while and meet new friends. Now thinking about the number of destinations I’ve been the entire year, I cannot believe I was able to squeeze through my budget given all other obstacles I was facing. Everything is on its perfect time, and every trip is a gift/ opportunity to discover what I really want to do with my life.

I’m also spoiled in terms of provision. Well, not in a financially-secure-kind of way, but I am really thankful for the people God has sent to help me out. The past year tested my will to hold on, because honestly there were times that I felt like seriously giving up. It was the year for my mother’s chemotherapy sessions, and up until now I am still amazed on how we managed to get through with it.

It feels awesome to be pampered with all the good things in life. The past year spoiled me with too much love, guidance and protection, and I’m not complaining. There’s really nothing I could ask for. A boyfriend, maybe? LMAO kidding. But if you’re still interested to give, pillows will do.

The five (unexpected) people I met in 2011

Tonight, I met two of the most beautiful women in the Philippines – Shamcey Supsup (3^rd runner-up, Miss Universe 2011) and Venus Raj (4^th runner-up, Miss Universe 2010). Meeting them was quite unexpected since I was actually raring to get excellent shots of fireworks under the giant Christmas tree, but nonetheless I’m still happy to see them before the year ends [and I think they were happier to see me. LOL].

The year 2011 gave me a chance to meet a lot of people in the unlikely-est circumstances. I made friends with some of them, while some said hello and then easily said goodbye, but all of them definitely taught me something with life. For this entry, I will share 5.

1. The kuya who carried the Forever 21 bag. We call him Mang Lodong, a man of humility of dedication, a fine example of someone who values his job regardless of the salary. He loves what he is doing and he loves to become of service to other people. It is not every day that I meet people like him. We complain of the little inconveniences we encounter at work while he has nothing but his worn-out shoes and his knapsack with a lot of big holes in it, he still strives to become the best tour guide around Sagada. That is something I cannot forget.

Then there’s… The kuya who waited. We call him Mang Genaro, our hero from the islands of Caramoan. We almost missed our chance to meet him due to Typhoon Bebeng but our brave souls managed to swim across the tides leading to Sabang port, and there he waited. He happens to be the first profiler I did for loQal, and just like Mang Lodong, I admire his humility and dedication for work. He even approached me during our tour if I could help him design the site for him (I’ll wait for it, Kuya Naro! :])

2. The whole of Southeast Asia. These past few months, I’ve been crazy about telling you people about the camp I went into last August, and up until now there are still no words that can describe how life-changing it was. It gave me a clearer view of what I want to do with my life. And being there was like meeting the whole of Southest Asia. I met around 50 new friends, and some became really close to me [you know who you are guys, and I love you dearly]. Yeah, it’s kind of unexpected to me in a wonderful way.

3. The baby girl. Around last week, Nikka (the newest addition to our family) and I had a long heart-to-heart talk until daylight, and that’s where I found out that we were actually similar in many ways. We’ve come to a conclusion that I see a lot of myself in her the same way that she sees in me [I think]. I really enjoyed that talk and looking forward to another Soderno date.

4. The Almost. He was the guy in blue green shirt the first time I saw him at the dining area, the guy who rarely talked but I shall remember him as the one who applauded in my repertoire, and the guy who loves hardcore politics, good music, football and dogs and yes, I used to have a crush on him. A high-school-kind of crush. But I guess he’s too friendly and popular and too hot to handle so I don’t have a chance.

Burin Boonvisut’s Almost is playing on my iPod now. It will forever remind me of him.

AND FINALLY…

5. The Sweet Pea. Then there’s this person I accidentally dubbed as ‘Sweet Pea’ for no reason at all, or probably because he IS too sweet? Oh, where do I even start?

Sweet Pea taught me the most essential lesson in friendship: do not break bridges. Learn to ‘hi’ back if someone says hello. Smile back. And language should never be a barrier. Being friends with him is something I never expected to happen. When people go an extra mile to help you, you wouldn’t mind going through the same to reach out to them, and you’ll be grateful they did.

Now I do not mind talking to my new friend about the serious and the not-so-serious of topics. Or even pestering him ‘cause he needs it sometimes. Or texting him at random times even if it eats up my credits, because for me, he is limited edition.

And of course, there’s my family, then my Filquest family, my bestfriends, and my other friends who are sticking with me through thick and thin. If there’s something I am truly grateful for more than traveling and meeting new people this 2011 is the thought of having everyone I love alive, happy and well. I feel more than blessed having these people in my life.

Cheers to more love and friendship in 2012.

On twist ties attached to my purse

I would like to believe that I will see you again. That I will feel again the coldness of your hands, cold as an iceberg quickly melting in your fire. That there will be another day where I can finally embrace you, and make you feel how special you are to me, and how thankful I am for having you in my life.

 

 

Teach me how to say goodbye

Annyeonghaseyo.

Hello. How are you?
I have been keeping your letters for quite some time now, for five years, I guess.
I can remember how I always receive your little surprises in my locker.
Beautiful handwriting. Beautiful words. Beautiful stories.
Everytime I get to read them, it never fails to make me smile.
Everytime I get to hold a remnant of your broken promises, I fall down. I break down and cry.

Kirul iroboryossoyo. Chom towajushil ssu issushinayo?

I am lost. Can you help me?
Where are those wonderful moments that I have shared with you?
You once told me that you’ll never even dare hurt me. But where are you right now?
I can’t seem to find you.

Can you help me find that world we have created long ago?

Saranghaeyo.

I still love you even though many years may have passed.
I am still faithful that you’ll come back and try to pick up the broken pieces with me.
We’ll glue it together, and then start anew, like nothing has happened.
We’ll go back to the world we have both created.

Choesonghamnida.

I just woke up one morning, realizing that there is no point in waiting.
And I am so sorry for being so selfish.
I should’ve have let you go a long time ago.

Annyonghi geseyo.

Goodbye.
Until we meet again.

Coldplay, Live in Manila?

I am one of the few Coldplay fans who went crazy after reading a random link posted by my sister’s friends on Facebook:

A british superband Coldplay is scheduled to open their Asia Tour 2012 in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia. A 2 months long tour will continue in Bangkok, Jakarta, Manila and Tokyo.

WAIT. WHAT. IS THIS REAL?

I hope so, ’cause I’m prepping to sell my herd of cows. Haha!

No Boyfriend? No problem.

The default third wheel. The unpicked rose. Forever alone. The single lady – these are just some of the terms I usually hear whenever the conversation is about why I am still single. Add to that the endless “May boyfriend ka na?” (Do you already have a boyfriend?) question from distant relatives who I think are a complete fail at small talk. You shouldn’t start a conversation about someone’s relationship status. Please.

In the society where I live in, it is expected that women like me should get married and have kids by the age of 30. If I have to strictly follow it, I only have around 4 something years to get things done. I’ve been single since IDON’TKNOWWHEN, and I don’t have any problems with it. Sometimes it’s only the people around me who make me feel that my status should be an issue of national concern.

Screw this. I am having the time of my life now. I’m just starting to take over the world with my craft. I want to study, teach, volunteer, whatever! It is only now that my dreams are starting to take its form, so I need to take care of whatever I have now. We have all the time in the world to find love.

But don’t get me wrong: I still believe in the magic of love and finding the perfect one. No, the imperfect guy who will make things perfect – that sounds better. There would be days that I seriously wish I had someone, and this is why I build bridges even though they tear it down. I let myself be hurt and badly bruised.

I still believe that one day I will find the man who can keep up with my late-night chitchats, my random travel whims, my hunger pangs and can shift to political discussions to the juiciest showbiz gossips PLUS giant cats and pandas and hugs and kisses.

*Okay, back to cyberstalking.*

I, the eldest.

“This too shall pass, Ate Gail.”

I was telling a friend about how I broke down last night. Yes, I cried hard for reasons I cannot even explain. Maybe I’m just really stressed out with non-stop work, or maybe I’m just really frustrated with a lot of things.

I need to work hard so I could help send my brother to school. I need to work hard so I could pay some of our utilities. And I need to work hard so I could help pay our debts.

It’s hard being the eldest. Sometimes I can’t help but question why my father has to leave me with the responsibility of keeping our family alive when at the first place he is still functioning well. Whenever I see most 25-year-olds in my news feed posting their travel photos and their latest gadgets, I feel a little envious. I’m not even excited anymore when payday arrives.

I am still working out on how I could be a cheerful giver. Maybe in time, I will stop questioning myself why I’m in this situation. And maybe someday, I could forgive my father for all of these.

There are still things I’m thankful for, like, I’m healthy, I have awesome friends and I have an awesome job.

And lastly, I love my family. At the end of the day, what drives me to go on with this life is the thought I have them to go home to.

Sanctuary

“Nowhere is safe.”

This was the last comment I posted on my thread regarding the recent death of Given Grace Cebanico, a junior computer science student at the University of the Philippines – Los Baños. She was found dead in a canal somewhere in IRRI, badly beaten, tied up, raped and shot in her forehead.

Given Grace was my schoolmate. Though I’m 3 years her senior, the impact of what has happened to her is too strong that I can’t help but get totally affected. Hence, I’m one with the whole UPLB community in seeking justice for Ms. Cebanico.

In my 4 years’ of stay in the university, there had been several reports of theft and robbery but was never close to what has happened to Cebanico. I remember walking along dark alleys at 3 AM from a group meeting or whenever I feel like looking for something to eat. UPLB was a sanctuary for students like me. We trusted the security system too much. But I honestly do not know what happened now.

Up until now, I feel really bad about what happened.

May justice be served soon.

 

What I’m loving now

I haven’t had enough time updating my blog due to my 2-week stay in Chiang Mai and lots of field work afterwards. So here you go, some of the things I’m currently obsessing over:

1. Anna and the King

Love is lovelier the second time around. After the trip, I felt so attached with everything that’s Thai [which is basically a hint of my succeeding 'what I'm loving now' things] so I’ve decided to rewatch this movie. And man, this never failed to make me cry. )

2. Foster the People 

Foster the People is a US-based indie band composed of three amazing people named Mark Foster, Mark Pontius, and Cubbie Fink. I absolutely love the vibe of all their songs. Perfect for those afternoons where you don’t feel like working or something like that. I especially love their song Pumped up Kicks. <3

3. Nestea Milk Tea

Now, about this baby… our romance was short-lived. There are no milk tea sticks left here at my place. My homies drank all of them.

I discovered this through a friend who told me to get loads of these because it’s super yummy and it is only available in Thailand. When I visited TOPS supermarket in Chiang Mai, there were only like 5 bags on the gondola, and then I overheard another tourist looking for the same brand. My instinct told me to grab all of them and rush to the nearest counter. The result, heavy luggage.

When I go back to Chiang Mai this November, I’ll get more of these. I promise.

4. New Glasses

I’m crazy over dark-rimmed glasses. This, I think is my nth pair. Trying the dark brown if it looks better on me. These are prescription glasses, by the way. 5. And finally…

More than Chiang Mai, these folks are the reason why I enjoyed the camp. I know it’s quite annoying already if I always mention things about the camp and all that, but my life has really changed after the whole workshop experience, and this should linger on for some time.

Random musings: On expertise

Tonight, I asked for an old friend’s help regarding the handling of watercolor paints. I haven’t done anything decent with watercolors since I was in third grade, so this would be quite challenging for me. I’m currently doing a personal project for my friends across Southeast Asia. A post-camp thing, I suppose.

My friend asked me why I suddenly had this urge to learn watercolor painting. I told him I want to build an expertise on something. It feels like I’ve been really versatile when it comes to many things but never an expert on one.

I know at one point in you life, you have asked yourself the same thing.